So I recently read this post from the Asia Pundits about the “Bangkok Shuffle” — and few things ruin a vacation faster than losing your passport and getting your stuff stolen from you. Ben and his girlfriend Kyeonghwa got in a tuk-tuk…
Maybe it was the adrenaline, but the next few moments passed in slowmotion. I looked up and saw two guys on a motorbike cruising by the side of the vehicle. The back seat passenger held on to Kyeonghwa’s rucksack while she, holding onto the straps, was in danger of being pulled out the side.
As my brain was still figuring out what to do, the driver looked back and saw that his partner had more of the bag than Kyeonghwa and revved up. With cars surrounding the tuk-tuk, she wouldn’t last long were she to fall out.
With this realisation I grabbed her hard around the shoulders and pulled her towards me. In the motion, Kyeonghwa let go of her bag and the cunts on the bike sped off, weaving through the traffic ahead. She looked off towards the thieves, then back to me. All she said was, “My passport!”
I feel for you, Kyeonghwa, I really do. Hope everything got straightened out and you were able to do something fun with the remainder of your time in Thailand.
On some level, coming to Bangkok is ripe for disaster. It’s (often) the first trip for a young’un to Southeast Asia, and you’re loaded with all the tech and cash you’ll need for the rest of your trip. You are primetime pickings for people that have been eyeing tourists like you since before you were born. Even if you weren’t born yesterday, being knowledgeable of the language and the locations is no guarantee of fair treatment.
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Rule #1: regard a Bangkok tuk-tuk driver with the same caution you’d show a recently released felon in your home country.
There, I said it. Bring on the comments about how I must hate Thailand or how ‘they’re not all that bad’. To which my reply will be ‘show me an honest, non-overcharging tuk-tuk driver in Bangkok’. We’ve seen some slimy ones in Chiang Mai as well.
Call it the nature of the beast, call it an untamed capitalist marketplace, or simply call it what’s been done for decades. It’s a crooked, crooked system, and it ain’t going away.
Rule #1a: just don’t take a tuk-tuk in Bangkok or Chiang Mai unless there’s no other option.
Bangkok features a Skytrain system (the BTS), a one-line subway system (the MRT), an extensive bus system, and more taxis than necessary. Heck, there’s even an Airport Railway to get you to Suvarnabhumi Airport. (An express shuttle bus can get you from Mo Chit BTS station to Don Mueang Airport if you’re headed there.)
The tuk-tuk is loud, slow, and is going to charge you several times what a local pays. If you’re somehow OK with that, don’t come crying to me about how much you got taken for.
Rule #2: remember Thailand is more than Bangkok.
During a conference in Bangkok, one of the speakers threw out some statistics — some 75% of tourists to Thailand go to one of five Thai provinces. He didn’t name them, but I’ll make an educated guess at the provinces that contain Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Pattaya, Phuket, and perhaps Ayutthaya. Returning visitors are even more concentrated — 90% of them visit only three provinces. That means there are some 72 other provinces of Thailand that are rarely and barely visited by people.
Get away from the locals that see tourists on a regular basis, and you don’t get ripped off as often! The tuk-tuks in Khon Kaen, while the taxis from the new bus terminal have never given us a problem. They still see white skin, of course (hard to hide that), but fewer of them have that opportunistic glint in their eyes.
Rule #3: If you simply must see Bangkok, know the common scams.
Petty theft is unfortunately quite common, doubly so if you’re a drunk (or drunk-looking) foreigner with a wide-open bag. The Grand Palace, despite its beauty, remains a scam-filled zone that requires your utmost attention to avoid being taken in by one.
Rule #4: avoid giving the cops a reason to detain you.
With the coup in place, the news is happy to report that cops are shaping up. During a recent visit to Pattaya, I saw cops pulling motorcyclists over, saluting, then writing tickets for not wearing helmets. While the enforcement of certain laws remains… patchy… follow the laws as if you’re being watched.
Don’t be (visibly) drunk in public, don’t talk back to them, and don’t break anything. You will be paying for it one way or another if you do. If you’re driving a motorcycle, wear a helmet — double bonus points if the visor is dark so they can’t see your face. Make your passenger wear one too.
Rule #5: look out for each other.
Have a plan. Yeah, it’s dorky, but so is looking at each other with that stupid ‘Where’d she go?’ look. For extra credit, have your buddies phone numbers (their Thai phone numbers, of course) already programmed in your phone. If you’re going to party all night along Khaosan road, take only what you’re going to need that night. This ain’t rocket surgery, people.
In a year and seven months, I’m happy to say we’ve only been ripped off by tuk-tuks a couple of times. Last resorts each time, though the first time was just for the experience. Short of giving up the party earlier to catch the subway home, it was the only way home. (Today, I’d use a taxi app.) In the end, though, you can enjoy Thailand and still have what you came with in your bag.
