If you read my absolute beginner’s guide to renting a motorcycle, you’re probably well on your way to getting around your country of choice. It’s when there’s a problem that things get dicier.
My scooter won’t start!
Few things cause more panic than a bike that won’t start. Three quick things to check:
- Is the bike resting on its kickstand? More often than not this is the issue — most bikes won’t let themselves be started without a rider balancing the bike on their own.
- Is the key in the ‘on’ position? That’s self-explanatory, but easy to miss — in general, ‘on’ is as far right as you can turn it without pushing in the key while you turn it. This can be two, three, and perhaps even four ‘clicks’.
- Are you out of gas? If you’ve been on E for awhile, some bikes (especially older ones with a choke lever, in my experience) are going to have a tougher time. Hopefully there’s a gas station somewhere nearby — if push comes to shove, leave the bike and buy a bottle’s worth.
Yep — checked those. Still won’t start!
It’s time to try a manual kick-start, and I’ll warn you this’ll be difficult for some folks. On the left side of your bike, look below and right of the passenger’s foot pedal for the two levers you see below:
(For reference, I’m standing on the left side of the bike, looking down at the bike. That’s the passenger’s left footrest on the extreme left side of the photo.)
Step 1: push down HARD on this lever to raise the back tire off the ground. When I say hard, I mean put your weight onto it.
Step 2: guide (and push) the scooter back onto the built-in stand. Since scooters are pretty heavy, so put your back into it. If you have a passenger, have them lift up and back from the back handle.
Step 3: Once the rear wheel is of the ground, flip out the ridged arm.
Step 4: Pretend you’re squashing a spider with your heel. That ridged arm should go from a 3 o’clock angle to just past a 6 o’clock angle. Note you may need to give it some gas — once the engine has started, get on and push yourself forward to come off the stand.
Crap — flat tire.
Whether you call it a flat tyre or a flat tire, it’s an unmistakable THWOOP-THWOOP-THWOOP that only gets more violent as you increase speed. It’s time to drive slowly — and gingerly! — to a tire shop. The problem will be self-explanatory to the staff, who may immediately spring to work or ask you a few questions. Driving will be difficult, and the back end will be sliding all over the place. That’s why you’ll be going SLOWLY (20 km/hour, no more)
Where to find one? Your best bet is along the main road or highway — it’s a sure sign of a capitalist economy when solutions to a problem spring up along the roads where the problems were created. Look for tires or stacks of tires — pronounce it BUH-YAHNG if you’re asking for help and a stack of tires isn’t self-evident.
Much like a bicycle, the scooter has an inner tube that’s most likely the issue. Try not to be talked into purchasing a outer tire as well, unless of course it’s shredded or you can see the hole(s). Unless there’s another issue, the shop should have you up and out in around 20–30 minutes. Cost? The last time this happened, we paid 130 baht for an inner tube that took about 30 minutes to repair. Outer tires might be anywhere from 600 baht and up.
Pulled over by the police…
For better or worse, enforcement of traffic laws in Asia often tends to be entirely too loose or entirely too strict. Checkpoints can be for ‘safety’ (a misnomer in many cases) or for drugs (an area where ‘probable cause’ is a term that doesn’t seem to translate in Asia). Here in Thailand, the three most common ‘reasons’ for being stopped end up being driving without a helmet, they’re simply stopping people at random, or being asked for your driver’s license. This often ends up feeling like racial profiling, no two ways around it – an unwelcome reminder of how foreigners are often treated like walking ATM’s.
So what to do? Wear a frikkin’ helmet, drive safely, and don’t attract attention with your driving or bike.
If you do get pulled over, speak English. You’re not going to get a warning, and you’re not going to win an argument about technicalities. I’ll leave it to you, my good reader, as to whether paying a bribe of 300–500 baht (in Thailand, at least) is within your moral codes to avoid a larger fine and more hassle than it’s worth. More often than not, it’ll be cheaper and easier to pay the fine on the spot and escape from any larger issues. Above all, do not give up control of your passport or ID’s — you may find them exponentially more difficult to get back.
Accidents do happen…
This sucks. On more than one level. Unless we’re talking about seriously injured folks that shouldn’t be moved, GET OUT OF TRAFFIC’S WAY. That’s you, your passenger, your bike, anyone else that’s involved. To be blunt, I don’t trust the average driver in southeast Asia to be paying enough attention to an accident to avoid it — especially if that driver was the cause of your accident. Not getting off the road might turn a minor accident into a serious tragedy. This goes double at night or in foggy conditions. I’ve yet to see a rental bike that has any emergency equipment on them, so it’s tough to signal cars and trucks passing by.
Is anyone seriously hurt? Call for an ambulance or flag a passer-by (1155 for the Tourist Police is one option, 1669 for an ambulance is another — the former is more likely to have an English speaker that’ll understand you). It’s also a good idea to call the police and get a report — in reality, the driver may not have stopped if they’re at fault, and you may not be in a condition to follow them. If they drove off, try your best to get whatever you can of the license plate, make, and model before they get too far away. If they have stopped, it’s time to begin collecting information in the hopes that you can use it for recompense.
Patch yourself up. If the ambulance has arrived, get some bandages, splints, or whatever else they have. Make a judgement call as to whether to go to the hospital — you may not feel like you need a work-up right now, but an overnight stay might be a good precaution. If the ambulance is nowhere in site, clean cloth and water are your friends. Carefully clean off the road rash — yeah, it’s gonna hurt — and aim to remove as much of the road from your arms and legs as possible. Infection can set in quickly.
Call the cops (or settle things privately). As previously discussed, police in much of Asia may not necessarily have your best interests at heart. Regardless of the facts or who’s at fault, they may decide things in favor of the local (who may well be a personal friend or friends with their higher-ups). Both sides are likely to have some share in the fault, and therefore some share of the costs.
Has the bike stopped running? If you’re relatively close to where you rented the bike, it’s time to get it back and explain what happened. If you’re not, it’s time to find a passer-by going back to town with a pick-up truck to haul you and the bike back. Seriously — some shops may have a pick-up policy, but those seem few and far between (if they have one, call them ASAP). Try not to let this accident (and/or your injuries) ruin your trip, but do recognize when some R&R must take priority over your itinerary.
Be prepared to pay up. It sucks, but damage to the bike comes out of your pocket. The place that rented the bike isn’t going to go after the person you say hit you, whether it’s the truth or not. For all the good it’ll do you, you can try to file a police report and see what happens, but I’ve never heard of a case where the foreigner didn’t have to shell out something.
A motorcycle remains my favorite way to getting around the offbeat places around Thailand, many of which have no public transportation options at all. Stay safe, drive defensively, and watch for the unexpected. Beyond merely following the law, drinking and driving is NEVER a good idea — save yourself the embarrassment of being arrested and made to pay way too much money for your freedom.
